有质量的交流

一场好的交谈当中,你的注意力是集中的,不仅关注谈话的内容,同时也有意者交谈双方的关系。

不要预先为自己的方言定下基调: 听对方说话的时候,就认真倾听、领会,留意自己内在的反应。

不要做出任何判断不要做出任何判断:专注于谈话的内容,忽略对方传递信息之外的食物。留意对方的肢体语言,但不要在意他们的穿着或者发型.

不要随意插话: 如果你感觉有必要插画要征询对方的意见。

享受谈话的过程并充实自己交流能力的训练是自然的、有意义的。享受相遇可以交谈的机会,享受交谈过程中的畅所欲言,以及在这个过程当中你所发现的新事物、新观点。

摘自《正念:专注内心思考的艺术》

《正念:专注内心思考的艺术》

整体而言,我所理解的mindfulness翻译成“全念”更加准确——全身心的投入到当下之事,有条不紊、持之以恒的付出,不念过去,不惧未来。读了这本书可以加强自己的地方有:
  • 每天早上十分钟呼吸冥想,启动身体,预览当日紧要之事
  • 每天晚上入睡前15-20分钟,全身扫描练习,放松
关于习惯的养成,坏的习惯容易养成,因为它根源于懒惰、贪婪和享受。虽然暂时带给了一丝肤浅的快乐,其实长久而言带来的对身心的损坏甚至是摧残。要打破坏习惯首先需要延迟对情绪触点的反应,往往只需要很短的时间(几秒或者几十秒)这个触点情绪就会消失,在撑的过程当中加之用“mindfulness”来脱离和观察自己的思绪,往往可以在坏习惯行为发生之前终止它。
最重要的是需要保持良好的好习惯,追求人生中真正有意义的目标:洞察力、善良、仁爱、同情、奉献,这样以来才能活得美好。
2018-01-14@西雅图

《你从未真正拼过》

“你从未真正拼过”——刚听这本书的名字就是特别“打鸡血”的,人到中年,在IT这行还是得一直不断的奋斗前进!

这本书是由一些LinkedIn上的用户“拼凑”出来的,各行各业各个阶段的,每个人的故事都不同,但相同的是这种“一直向上”的积极态度,祝愿自己能够一直激励自己,奋斗前行!

注:写在三十出头,但转折回到学校重新读书深造之际——路漫漫其修远兮,吾将上下而求索……

“1997年早春,阿媛去世。1998年岁

“1997年早春,阿媛去世。1998年岁末,钟书去世。我们三人就此失散了。现在,只剩下我一个”

“我和谁都不争,和谁争我都不屑;我爱大自然,其次就是艺术;我双手烤着生命之火取暖;火萎了,我也准备走了。”

这本书是在杨绛先生去世后(105高龄)更加知名起来的,恰好这个时候也是我和女友登记结婚前后,所以当她推荐给我的时候我就把它列入了自己的书单,而且我也想从这本书中了解中国公认的伉俪的一些点滴生活,作为我们以后婚姻生活的参考和借鉴。

刚开始翻了几页,感觉文字非常质朴,甚至是平白无味,索性放了几天才重拾起来。后来逐渐适应了这种直白不加修饰的文字,和缓慢娓娓道来的节奏。

从这本书中,能看到她们三个人这一生的坎坷,尤其是后来只有杨绛一个人孑然一身时候对丈夫钱钟书和女儿钱媛的思念。难能可贵的是在这些细小的事情当中能看到她们三个人的幽默、乐观和其乐融融,而且她静静的思考和观察着自己的思念之苦,将这种感情诉诸文字。如果我们生活中能够多增添一些纯真、幽默和感情,相信生活会更加有趣,更加美好!

钱钟书曾用一句话,概括他与杨绛的爱情:“绝无仅有的结合了各不相容的三者:妻子、情人、朋友。”如果一个人能够找到这样的人生伴侣,无论外界给他的遭遇是什么,都会因为身边的人儿多几分从容惬意。

牛津大学出版社的这个版本,其中有很多附录——书信往来(包括情书)、瑗瑗给父亲的画像等,增添了很多真实贴近生活的感觉。

然后我翻看了杨绛在维基百科的介绍页面,重点是看到了更多的关注这个人的生平介绍。

中国小说学会副秘书长卢翎评价杨绛说:“杨绛的散文平淡、从容而又意味无穷。可谓‘不着一字,尽得风流’。读她的散文更像是聆听一位哲人讲述些烟尘往事,在平静、平淡、平凡中有一种卓越的人生追求。”“(杨先生的)这些散文是我上中国当代文学史课时必讲的篇目。我常对学生们说,先生的作品有一种洞悉世事的深刻,有一种知识分子于乱世固持的良知与操守,还有一种悲天悯人的情怀。这对于当下在浮躁而喧嚣的世界中前行的知识分子独具意义,起码可以使他们理解自己、理解他人,面对宿命更具一种从容、旷达的姿态”。

接下来要看的是这位老人在95岁高龄写的散文《走到人生边上:自问自答》(2007),看看她在人生的结尾处对人生的思考和沉淀!

2016/07/31 ,北京

被中文翻译害了的好书 How to Win Friends and Influence People

中文名字《人性的弱点》冒汗~~~

Contents  [hide

Major sections and points[ edit]Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You[ edit

This section was included in the original 1936 edition as a single page list, which preceded the main content of the book, showing a prospective reader what to expect from it. The 1981 edition omits points 6 to 8 and 11.

  1. Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.

  2. Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.

  3. Increase your popularity.

  4. Help you to win people to your way of thinking.

  5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.

  6. Enable you to win new clients, new customers.

  7. Increase your earning power.

  8. Make you a better salesman, a better executive.

  9. Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.

  10. Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.

  11. Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily contacts.

  12. Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

The book has six major sections. The core principles of each section are explained and quoted below.[3]

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People[ edit

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Human nature does not like to admit fault. When people are criticized or humiliated, they rarely respond well and will often become defensive and resent their critic. To handle people well, we must never criticise, condemn or complain because it will never result in the behavior we desire.

  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in the world. People will rarely work at their maximum potential under criticism, but honest appreciation brings out their best. Appreciation, though, is not simple flattery, it must be sincere, meaningful and with love.

  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. To get what we want from another person, we must forget our own perspective and begin to see things from the point of view of others. When we can combine our desires with their wants, they become eager to work with us and we can mutually achieve our objectives.

Six Ways to Make People Like You[ edit

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people. "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you."[4] The only way to make quality, lasting friendships is to learn to be genuinely interested in them and their interests.

  2. Smile. Happiness does not depend on outside circumstances, but rather on inward attitudes. Smiles are free to give and have an amazing ability to make others feel wonderful. Smile in everything that you do.

  3. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. "The average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names in the world put together."[5] People love their names so much that they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after themselves. We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their name.

  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. The easiest way to become a good conversationalist is to become a good listener. To be a good listener, we must actually care about what people have to say. Many times people don’t want an entertaining conversation partner; they just want someone who will listen to them.

  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest. The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most. If we talk to people about what they are interested in, they will feel valued and value us in return.

  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. The golden rule is to treat other people how we would like to be treated. We love to feel important and so does everyone else. People will talk to us for hours if we allow them to talk about themselves. If we can make people feel important in a sincere and appreciative way, then we will win all the friends we could ever dream of.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking[ edit

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Whenever we argue with someone, no matter if we win or lose the argument, we still lose. The other person will either feel humiliated or strengthened and will only seek to bolster their own position. We must try to avoid arguments whenever we can.

  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say "You’re wrong." We must never tell people flat out that they are wrong. It will only serve to offend them and insult their pride. No one likes to be humiliated, we must not be so blunt.

  3. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Whenever we are wrong we should admit it immediately. When we fight we never get enough, but by yielding we often get more than we expected. When we admit that we are wrong people trust us and begin to sympathize with our way of thinking.

  4. Begin in a friendly way. "A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of gall."[6] If we begin our interactions with others in a friendly way, people will be more receptive. Even if we are greatly upset, we must be friendly to influence people to our way of thinking.

  5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes. Do not begin by emphasizing the aspects in which we and the other person differ. Begin by emphasizing and continue emphasizing the things on which we agree. People must be started in the affirmative direction and they will often follow readily. Never tell someone they are wrong, but rather lead them where we would like them to go with questions that they will answer "yes" to.

  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. People do not like listening to us boast, they enjoy doing the talking themselves. Let them rationalize and talk about the idea, because it will taste much sweeter to them in their own mouth.

  7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers. People inherently like ideas they come to on their own better than those that are handed to them on a platter. Ideas can best be carried out by allowing others to think they arrived at it themselves.

  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Other people may often be wrong, but we cannot condemn them. We must seek to understand them. Success in dealing with people requires a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.

  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. People are hungering for sympathy. They want us to recognize all that they desire and feel. If we can sympathize with others, they will appreciate our side as well and will often come around to our way of thinking.

  10. Appeal to the nobler motives. Everyone likes to be glorious in their own eyes. People believe that they do things for noble and morally upright reasons. If we can appeal to others’ noble motives we can successfully convince them to follow our ideas.

  11. Dramatize your ideas. In this fast paced world, simply stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth must be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. Television has been doing it for years. Sometimes ideas are not enough and we must dramatize them.

  12. Throw down a challenge. The thing that most motivates people is the game. Everyone desires to excel and prove their worth. If we want someone to do something, we must give them a challenge and they will often rise to meet it.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment[ edit

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. People will do things begrudgingly for criticism and an iron-fisted leader, but they will work wonders when they are praised and appreciated.

  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. No one likes to make mistakes, especially in front of others. Scolding and blaming only serves to humiliate. If we subtly and indirectly show people mistakes, they will appreciate us and be more likely to improve.

  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. When something goes wrong, taking responsibility can help win others to your side. People do not like to shoulder all the blame and taking credit for mistakes helps to remove the sting from our critiques of others.

  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders. If we offer suggestions, rather than orders, it will boost others confidence and allow them to learn quickly from their mistakes.

  5. Let the other person save face. Nothing diminishes the dignity of a man quite like an insult to his pride. If we don’t condemn our employees in front of others and allow them to save face, they will be motivated to do better in the future and confident that they can.

  6. Praise every improvement. People love to receive praise and admiration. If we truly want someone to improve at something, we must praise their every advance. "Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement."[7]

  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. If we give people a great reputation to live up to, they will desire to embody the characteristics with which we have described them. People will work with vigor and confidence if they believe they can be better.

  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. If a desired outcome seems like a momentous task, people will give up and lose heart. But if a fault seems easy to correct, they will readily jump at the opportunity to improve. If we frame objectives as small and easy improvements, we will see dramatic increases in desire and success in our employees.

  9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest. People will most often respond well when they desire to do the behavior put forth. If we want to influence people and become effective leaders, we must learn to frame our desires in terms of others’ desires.

Letters That Produced Miraculous Results[ edit

This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.

In this chapter, the shortest in the book, Carnegie analyzes two letters and describes how to appeal to someone with the term "do me a favor" as opposed to directly asking for something which does not offer the same feeling of importance to the recipient of the request.Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier[ edit

This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.

  1. Don’t nag.

  2. Don’t try to make your partner over.

  3. Don’t criticize.

  4. Give honest appreciation.

  5. Pay little attentions.

  6. Be courteous.

  7. Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

以上内容引用自 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

备注:不要被这个很烂的翻译《人性的弱点》误导了,这本书很有价值,推荐阅读。

这是自己在Audible上听完的一本书,有些收获,感觉比起书籍来少了些整体性的结构框架,或许结合起来比较好些!

 

更新描述或封面

作者: Karlin Sloan 
出版社: John Wiley & Sons Inc
副标题: Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership
出版年: 2006-5
页数: 246
定价: 180.00元
装帧: HRD
ISBN: 9780787982683

In this groundbreaking book, acclaimed executive coach Karlin Sloan offers leaders a variety of self–assessments, habits, strategies, and sustainable practices that they can use to become what today’s marketplace demands; smarter, faster, and better. Karlin Sloan shows what it takes to make the move to the next level to become a leader who both grows the bottom line and contributes to stakeholders and the world in a positive way. Based on research, study, and the author’s extensive experience as a coach to leaders of top organizations, this book shows how to become smarter, faster, and better by examining these questions: What are your key strengths and what do you need to develop or leverage? What are you focused on now and what do you need to accomplish to really get ahead? Are your values in line with your work? What is the end you are trying to achieve?

超效率手册:99个史上更全面的时间管理技

超效率手册:99个史上更全面的时间管理技巧

作者: [加]斯科特·扬(Scott H.Young) 
出版社: 机械工业出版社
原作名: the Little Book of Productivity
译者: 李云 
出版年: 2016-1
页数: 120
定价: 25.00
装帧: 平装
ISBN: 9787111520948

读后感:

整体内容比较繁杂,读完后能够总结出三五个自己最受用的几个技巧就不错了。对我而言,比较有用的是目录中我加粗的部分。概括起来就是:

- 懂得做事情的更深层次意义

- 为任务设定详细目标和时间期限

- 适当的扩充自己的任务池,事情越多越容易有效率

- 养成好的习惯,每月周日计划、复查,保持锻炼身体和适当的放松